I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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