the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
