that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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