You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
