I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
