Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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