Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
