So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
