I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
