I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
