Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
