I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
