i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
