I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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