I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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