Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
