i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
