Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Small penises have feelings too.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
