your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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