apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
