I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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