If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
