Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
