Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
