So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
