i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
