that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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