if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
