I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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