Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
