I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
