new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
