It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
