Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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