I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
