SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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