dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
