I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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