Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
as a side note pls kill me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
