What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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