hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
