I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
