Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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