I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
