Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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