you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
