you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Houston, we have a squirter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
