He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
