from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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