Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I looked at my own cervix.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
