Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
