I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
