do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
