listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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